Verbal insanity / 12 октября 2007 г.
Can you read these right the first time?
- The bandage was wound around the wound.
- The farm was used to produce produce.
- The dump was so full its manager had to refuse more refuse.
- We must polish the Polish furniture.
- He could lead if he would get the lead out.
- The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
- Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
- A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
- When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
- I did not object to the object.
- The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
- The oarsmen had a row about how to row.
- They were too close to the door to close it.
- The buck does funny things when does are present.
- A knitter and a sewer fell into a sewer line.
- The farmer fed his sow and went to the field to sow wheat.
- The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
- When I saw the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
- I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
- How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Lets face it English is a crazy language. It sometimes seems all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
There is no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins werent invented in England nor french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which arent sweet, are meat.
Among the languages paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers dont fing, grocers dont groce and hammers dont ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isnt the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices.
Doesnt it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didnt preachers praught?
if a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS: Why doesnt Buick rhyme with quick?
Lovers of the English language will enjoy this:
There is a two-letter English word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word UP.
Its easy to understand UP meaning toward the sky or at the top of a list, but when we awaken, why do we wake UP? Why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are politicians UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP old cars.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning, but we close it UP at night.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP! When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesnt rain for a while, things dry UP.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in a dictionary. Its likely to take UP almost one-quarter of a page and can add UP to about 30 definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP your own list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you dont give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
One could go on and on, but Ill to wrap it UP, for my time is UP and its time to shut UP!